Kiss The Rain
by Mageofblackflames
Summary: Iruka's carrying a painful memory that could have an effect on Kakashi, but he doesn't want to hurt the man he loves. What is he to do?


Rating: M

Summary: Iruka has a secret...enough said.

Chapter 1: Not today

_Iruka's pov_

It's late. Well, not real late, but late enough. The type of late where the sky is a velvet black with just a hint of evening blue. No clouds. Just stars, hundreds of them. Normally I would be sleep at this hour, but since you're here, sleep can wait. You're so much like him, in so many ways. It's almost scary. You've got me pinned down to the bed the same way he used to pin me down to the ground whenever he pleased. You're a spiting image of him. If not for those eyes, I probably wouldn't be able to look at you, be with you. Especially not like this. I have to keep reminding myself that you're not him. You're Hatake Kakashi. The one I love. Your movements aren't rough and abrasive. Your thrusts are slow, fluid. Our kisses are never forced, always warm and tender.

There's a fine line between pain and pleasure. Between being taken advantage of and being loved. I know the diffrence now.

"Uhhh, gods...Ka-Kakashi..." I grip the sides of the pillow beneath my head, and look at you. Your mouth is curled up in a small smile, soft and teasing. Not like his. Thank god. But even as I look at it, I'm still reminded of his grin. That sick, sadistic grin he always had on his face. You lower your lips right above mine, not touching, just teasing. I dig my nails into your shoulders, hoping to leave scars so that everyone will know who you belong to. If I could, I'd keep you locked away from the outside world, but what would be the fun in that? You let out a sharp gasp, and in that moment, I slip my tongue into your partially open mouth. Thought you could tease me forever, didn't you? But you use my sudden distraction to your advantage, sinking deeper. It's bliss. Absolute bliss.

And in the final moments, when I knew I was going to give in wheather I wanted to or not, I keep my legs

wrapped around you and my hands pressed agaisn't your chest. Like I want to push you away, and pull you in deeper. Almost like I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you. In those short slivers of reality, I don't want any of this, and yet I want all of it. All of you. I don't deserve this or you. But I can't say I'm not glad. I won't say I'm not grateful.

"What are you waiting for?" You ask me, smiling. I know what you want. But I'm not ready to give in just yet.

I shiver. "You didn't say please."

Instead you say, "Now." Damn you. I can feel your climax cleary, as if it were my own. How each muscle ripples under the pale skin, the vibrations of your long, drawn out moans. The very feel is enough to push me over the edge and it's not long until feel those wonderful waves of pleasure, the tingling sensation. That place where nothing matters, and I want to hang onto that feeling for as long as I can.

Afterwards, I find myself curled up on you, head resting on your chest, listening to your steadying heart beat. My lullaby. But tonight is a little diffrent. I don't feel that high I normally get after a moment like that. And I know why. Sighing, I close my eyes.

"I love you," You say quietly.

I smile. "I know." I've never told you I loved you. You know I do, but don't know why I haven't said it yet. I have my reasons, and for the moment you seem to respect that. Sooner or later you're going to want to hear it from me. It's not that I don't want to. It isn't because I'm not ready - I am. I just...can't. Not now at least.

"Is something wrong?"

I chew my lip. I've passed up a bunch of chances to tell you. Too many moments have gone by and you still don't know. I'm still carrying the weight of the truth on my own. Only two other people know. But that doesn't help me at all, not when the person I need to tell doesn't have a clue. "Yes."

You raise my head up slightly, and look at me. "What is it? Still horny?"

I chuckle. "No."

"Someone hit on you? I told the bastards in that building to stop that bullshit."

"No, no."

"You got a debt to pay? Owe some mafioso wanna be some cash? I'll give it to you."

"Kakashi, don't be silly. That isn't the problem." I look away. I almost feel like I want to cry. Almost. I'm much to strong for such an open display of emotion. "I need to tell you something...it's...real important."

"Tell me. I'm listening." I could feel my worry slime in my stomach and threaten to become vomit. Just when the feeling moves from antcipation to sensation, you run a finger from my face to my neck.

Oh no. I think I'm trembling. I hope you don't feel it. But you do because you give me a worried look. "I...I...when.." I'm chocking on my own deception. Years of lies are finally catching up. Flashbacks are replaying themselves in my mind too fast. I can literally feel the puke in my throat now, and if I don't say something quick...

You place a hand on my cheek. "Don't worry. Theres nothing you could tell me that will make me love you any less." You smile. A warm, contended smile. A smile that just seems to say, 'Everything is just fine.'

And in that instant, I realize I can't tell you. You can't know, not today, not tomorrow, maybe never. I can't hurt you with the truth. I can't destroy everything you thought you knew about him. I'm not as strong as I think. I'm hurting. But my hurt is nothing compared to the hurt you'll feel if the truth gets out. I couldn't - no matter how much I want to tell you - put you through that type of pain.

I place a kiss on your cheek and lay back down. "Nothing. Nevermind, it's not important.

( That sucked ass, I know! It was horrible, but it's the best I can do so just accpet it and get over it! )

_Normal pov_

Iruka awoke the next morning, the sound of his alarm clock piercing into his brain and his disturbing his heavy sleep. Sitting up, he noted with some amusement that he had drooled a nice puddle onto a sleeping Kakashi's chest. 'He should be used to it by now.' Yawning, he rubbed his eyes. He was dead tired and didn't feel like leaving the safety of the warm bed. Tapping Kakashi on the head, Iruka attempted to wake the ninja. The jounin's light snores stopped abruptly and he opened he eyes. "Mmm...what time is it?"

"Six a.m."

He groaned. "Call in sick." He was as reluctant to leave as the chunin.

"I can't, and you shouldn't. Bad enough you leave those kids out there to wait an extra three hours. Besides, I have to talk with the Hokage about something."

"'Bout what?"

"...My class," He lied skillfully.

Placing his hands over his face, the older man yawned. "I'm going to fall back to sleep."

"Well, thats what you get. If you had went home after I made you dinner, you wouldn't feel like crap."

"If I had went home after you made dinner, you wouldn't be so happy."

Iruka grinned. "You may have a point."

He sighed. "You can shower and dress first, I'll wait here."

Licking Kakashi's neck, Iruka purred, "Wouldn't you like to shower with me?"

Smiling, he follwed the brunett into the bathroom. After three false attempts to get dressed, and four close calls, they were ready to leave.

"Hmm," Kakashi said, glancing at the clock. "I'm actually going to be early toady. Scary..."

"Naruto will think it's the end of the world. You better sneak up on them."

"Or I could just force myself to be late."

"Don't you do that already?"

"Oh..right. So, looks like I won't be early. Or on time for that matter."

Iruka chuckled. "You're so adorable when you act stupid."

Iruka walked alone down the busy early morning streets of Konoha, every corner bustling with activity. Street vendors, teachers getting a quick breakfast, and aspiring young ninja trying to make it to the academy on time. He felt a little fidegity about going to the Hokage about his personal issues, but she was one of the few people who understood. He really had no one else to go to. Sighing, he folded his arms over his chest. Life could be a real bitch and half at times. Thoughts flooded his brain as he made his way to the familiar cherry oak door of Tsunade's home. Before he even knocked, the door flew open, making Iruka flinch slightly. "What the fu - " He nearly cut off the head of the old servant standing before him. "Isn't it common courtesy to let one knock before you open a door!"  
"The Hokage has been expecting you," The old fart said in a raspy, low voice.

"Thank you," Iruka replied, taking a step inside. Poor Tsunade. It looked like her servant was about to drop dead on any given sunday.

Closing the door, the wrinkled prune beckoned him to follow. They walked down a well lite corridor and stopped in front of the closed door of the gathering room. The old dude knocked softly, and after receiving an affirmitive reply from Tsunade, opened the door. Seeing her guest, she smiled. "Master Iruka, what took so long?" She sat in the unfurnished room, on a thick, silk pillow and rested her elbow on the small desk in front of her.

"I...um...slipped and fell in the shower and um...was knocked out for a bit."

She chuckled. "Did you fall onto Kakashi, or did he slip into you?" She waved her hand weakly at her servant, and the withered being left, shuting the door behind him.

"Don't you think it's time for you to retire him?"

She shrugged. "He's been around since the reign of the fourth Hokage. I might as well wait to he drops dead before I get a new one."

Moving closer to her, he sat on his knees, and bowed slightly. "Lady Tsu - "

"Please," Tsunade said warmly. "No need to be so formal. We're alone now."

Walking to the where she sat, he kneeled down and hung his head low. "...Tsunade...I don't know how long I can lie to him like this. He's starting to notice that something isn't right, he can tell. And he'll start asking questions soon. Questions...I don't want to face."

Sighing, she placed her cup down. "I can't imagine...how hard this must be for you. I know the fouth Hokage swore you to secrecy about it...as did the last. But I will do no such thing. This is a decision that only you can make. All I can do is stand by your decision."

"Before it was so easy to lie to him. It was simple for me to act like nothing happened, like I didn't know a thing about it. But now...now that I know I have these advanced feelings for him, I can't keep going on like this. And yet I know if I speak up...I could lose him for good."

"Iruka...I wish there was something I could do." Suddenly, a smile graced her saddened face. "But I do have good news. I was going to wait, but, what the hell, you need a little cheering up."

He raised his head. "Yes?"

"You remember Eridani, right?"

"Eridani Rinako?" He smiled widely. "Hie. She was my best friend growing. Closer to me than even Kakashi." He chuckled. "But..well...she wasn't very pretty, so she got picked on a lot. Especially by Kakashi. I was the only one who stood up for her, so we were like brother and sister. I know Kakashi liked her as a friend, he'd just never admit it. One day, her father came and took her from the playground. We never saw her again after that." Iruka sighed. "She was the only one I could go to about anything."

"Ever wonder how she's doing?"

"I wonder if she's even still alive. When a girl has a temper like her," He shook his head.

"Well...guess what."

"What?"

"She's coming back to Konoha."

Iruka laughed loudly. "For a moment, I thought you said Eridani was coming back."

"I did."

Jumping up, he stood erect, gaping. "Are..you..serious!"

"As a heart attack."

His joy radiated through the room, lighting his face. "She's coming back! She's coming back!"

"She certainly is."

"When!"

"Is tonight a good enough time?"

He felt like a little kid during christmas. "Tonight! So soon!"

"I'll let her tell you her story when she arrives. But, you should head over to the Academy, unless you want to be late. Come back this evening and bring Kakashi. I'm sure he'll want to see the girl he tormented as a child."

The chunin nodded, his smile wide and toothy. He almost felt like skipping out the room. The thought made him chuckle.

Almost.

Mage: You probably remember Eridani from my failed story, who's name I refuse to mention. So many people seemed to like her, I thought, what the hell, might as well bring her back. I like her to so, she has returned.


End file.
